SO I SHUT DOWN INSIDE

So I shut down inside
and stay shut up outside
how else should I take it
when you call your ex
and talk so friendly
in front of me
making no mention of me
as if I weren't sharing this bed with you
and you say that you dreamt of him again last night
how am I supposed to feel
what should I think
when I hear his voice
only slightly muffled
coming from the receiver
cradled close to your head
and just last night
you wanted me to believe
that you couldn't go on without me
that you would be lost
if I were to leave
you fill me full of things you think I need to hear
and yet I feel so empty

- S. Marvin Tuomala, 1995

(I found this recently in an old notebook from 1995. It is a true story about the woman who became my ex-wife. A portent of the future, perhaps?)