Look Both Ways - Another Cautionary Tale
Death and I know each other well
I am more than familiar with his work
seen it happen before my eyes in real time
I watched as a 15-year-old boy dived
head first into the big dirt nap
a jaywalking incident gone horribly wrong
he hesitated
and we should all know by now that
he who hesitates is sometimes saved
but this wasn't one of those times
and I saw it all
I watched as he crumbled
slammed to the pavement
and rolled up beneath the recreational vehicle
bouncing between the street and the undercarriage
dribbled like a human basketball
from one side of the intersection to the other
folded and crumpled and discarded
like so much other trash in the road
just another empty wrapping strewn in the street
his sweet candy center spreading out
like a rose blooming in the cracks of the asphalt
"Hey, asshole!"
his friends shouting
that's what got my attention
thinking they had better not be talking to me
I was already safely across the street by then
a green light in my favor
turned yellow, now red
like his blood on the pavement
and I turned back to watch
couldn't take my eyes off it
had to get up closer
just to be certain
yes, he is dead
still breathing
heart still beating
but dead nonetheless
his friends screaming
"hold on, hold on, you're going to live!"
and me there next to them
questioning their motives
"Please, look at him"
his legs twisted beneath his torso
shirt pulled up
ribs obvious
broken and about to break the surface
turned black beneath his formerly perfect white skin
the blood pooling out of his ear
spreading as he faded
I spoke without thinking
just what I was feeling
"Please, don't say that"
"Look at him,
do you understand what you are wishing upon him?"
the pain so extreme as to be obscene
if he lives he will never walk again
and the pain will be there
fresh and constant without end
"Do you really want him to survive this?"
he is only 15
and he will never make it to 16 this time around
better luck next time
but a girl is shouting at me
"Shut up, shut up!
You're the devil!"
she is too young and sweet to know the difference
and me too real and honest
saying
"If you love your friend, tell him now.
You won't get another chance.
Don't make him suffer for your selfish reasons.
Let him go."
but what do I know?
I'm an outside observer
there to be objective
and contribute some balance to this situation
the girl screaming at the police
"Arrest the driver, arrest the driver!"
and me calmly telling the officer
"It was a green light.
He crossed against the red,
and now he is dead."
the paramedic turns to me
hands on the young boy
"He's not dead."
annoyed that I would tell him his job I suppose
and my reply was
"Give him a minute,
he won't last the ride to the hospital."
the girl in my face now
screaming louder and pushing against my chest
"Fuck you, you're the devil!"
I just want to go home and eat
because I am tired and hungry
and this will not diminish my appetite
I've seen Death at work before
and I know I will bear witness again
for more youths who think themselves immortal
but for these kids, his friends
this is a little too real
their first true taste of death
and I make no apologies
for my lack of sympathy
I have enough of these memories
and you can pray this is your last
but God isn't listening
when you wish for the impossible
I'm the devil
and I bring you the truth
life ends
too soon for most
and all I can do is observe
and offer my opinion
for although I know I have a healing touch
and I do believe in miracles
I also know that this is too much
and I am too late
even though I am here now in the moment
all I can do is observe
and tell you what you need to hear
that he needs to hear
you telling him
"I love you,
goodbye."
because otherwise
his ghost will haunt you
like the apparition parade
which follows me
wherever I go
a collection of lost souls
to which I am constantly adding
this is just your first
so forgive me for seeming callous
but I've seen this before somewhere
and I have my own ghosts to think about
maybe you can't see that
when you look at me
and in your eyes
I am the devil
just for you tonight
to tell you the truth
that life is about love
and learning to die with it
not because of it
this is your chance to do things right
he needs to hear this now
right here, while you are really feeling it
now, before the years have faded
all but his name from your memory
tell him or be haunted by it
"I love you,
goodbye."
- Marvin Scott Marvin, 2005
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© SpiritCaller.net, 2005
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