GETTING POUNDED

I don't know what it is about me
but somehow I became a magnet for negative attention and dangerous elements
it's been building for months
I've been receiving outright threats and more sublte intimidating body language
while out at clubs taking photographs
and that I understood
insecure boys feel threatened
when they see the girl they arrived with
dancing and posing for my camera
how dare she have a good time not of his making
out of his control, and in which he is unnecessary
but that fear of him losing her
prevents his expressing such feelings to her
so he comes after me with threats of violence
trapped in his insecurity
his only thoughts are to step up the macho
show her he is a man
but last night wasn't like that
at least there was no camera involved
beer, a pool table, and somebody's cute girlfriend may have been involved
but I can't be certain
because it wasn't her boyfriend who tried to dot my "i"
it was later outside the bar
he approached asking about scoring some weed
I said, "not at this hour"
"why what time is it?"
he wanted to know
and I replied
"I don't know, but it's late."
I turned my head to speak to my friend
about to suggest that we might smoke some
I saw it in my peripheral vision
and turned back to look
just to be certain
"is that a fist?"
the alcohol retarded my reaction
and the impact confirmed my suspicion
he gave it all he got
and caught me square
for a hairline fracture to my jaw
I staggered back but didn't fall
he went for the knock out
but only knocked my hat off
I'm sure he was disappointed
as the words not blood spilled out of my mouth
"what the fuck was that about?"
our respective friends moved to separate us
me trying to guess the reason
I think he yelled something about a gang
and "remember that, bitch!"
remember what bitch? whose bitch?
you calling me a bitch?
I took your best shot and I'm still standing
you want to kiss me again, touch guy?
so what's his reason?
other than your average run-of-the-mill bored and frustrated
drunken belligerent testosterone overload?
come on, give me a reason
if you want a fight, just say so
and something can be arranged
I'm a good loser
I can accept a beating if given a good reason
or even a bad reason
as long as you have one I'll consider it
I understand punishment
for it was an important lesson in my upbringing
but random violence confuses me still
though I grew up on intimate terms with that as well
I suppose somehow I had it coming
in hindsight I can see the roadsigns pointing to this detour
this point of interest
I had received threats each of the last three weeks
and from friends of friends even
and there were some oddly amusing coincidences
before going out last night I was feeling a bit down
still nursing the emotional and psychological wounds of betrayal and divorce
so as I stood there in the shower
the hot water cascading down my sore shoulders
in an attempt to wash away the tension
I wrote myself a note in the fogged up glass door
and smiled, it read:
"Get well soon"
and just two hours prior to that
I had bought a copy of the movie "Fight Club"
and to top it all off
the name of the bar, appropriately enough, is
"Pounders."

- S. Marvin Tuomala, February 6, 2005