For Her Mother
I was only seventeen
and had no idea
what I was getting into
when she asked
what seemed like an innocent question
between the kisses
"Would you like to come in and meet my mom?"
I thought it might be a little late
we were already past her curfew
but she insisted that it was fine
"My dad's probably passed out,"
she said,
"but my mom doesn't really sleep."
so I followed her up the path to the door
and into the house
where I instantly noticed
the air
something wasn't right in the air
there was an odd sensation
and the lingering sent of slow decay
I could sense that death was near
I felt the adrenaline levels rise in my blood
and had to fight the urge toward flight
as I made my way following
behind her cute and curvey behind
to the scene of her mother's impending end
her mother in bed alone
with tubes in her arms and nose
with eyes which stared off blankly
and gave no indication of noticing our entrance
she spoke to her mother
"Mom, I want you to meet my boyfriend."
it was the first time she had called me that
I stood dumbfounded
it could not have come at a more shocking time
she spoke to me
"Say hello to my mom."
I did manage to slip past my lips
the required words of introduction
which felt hollow in my chest
and sounded insufficient in my mouth
I was certain she could hear the fear in my voice
the desire to make this not so
and the helplessness
which we all were feeling
what possible words of could I offer them
I was confronted with a situation
in which I had no point of reference
she explained to me the problem
her mother slowly dying of cancer
with a brain tumor the size of a softball
and increasing
growing resistant to our most modern of medicines
the mass on her mother's mind
crushing her mother into submission
crushing her mother into this shadow in a dark corner
crushing her mother into memories and dust
and she explained to me
the intricacies of her ordeal
she blamed this on herself
for cursing her mother
for running away at fourteen to live with heroin addicts
for being a fool for a man who abused her
for leaving her mother
and being glad in her teenage rage
with it's attendant undirected malice
which she unleashed
delighting in the tears it brought to her mother's eyes
which now stared blankly at me as
she turned her mother's head to face me
we turned away and exited the room
on that sour note of a moment
at the tail end of what had been
an enjoyable evening up until then
she cried in my arms
once more at the door
as I kissed her goodnight
wishing I could hold her longer
and knowing fully well
that I could not be there for her
when she would need me most
as her mother died shaking violently in her arms
the priest would no longer enter the room
and it was just the two of them
alone together
as her mother choked out her final breath
and I called on the phone wondering
where had she been and why she didn't answer
and I called again
bringing more tears to her eyes
and rage to her voice
as it began to rise
again I was shocked by this girl
I was rocked by her world
and I wanted to say something comforting
but could only listen
and in some small way
allowed her a moment of release
and one more display of love
for her mother
- F. Scott Marvin, 2005
* * *
© SpiritCaller.net, 2005
|
