EXORCISM

This is an exorcism
to break the spell of binding
with which you keep reminding
me that I am all yours to fuck over
and fuck over and
fuck over and over and over
and over again
Well in this latest orgasm of heart wrenching
I've stepped out of my skin
and then slid back in for closer examination
and I've reached a conclusion
that your inclusion I can no longer afford
and this is an exorcism
to purge the demon of your dysfunctional love
some day I may forgive
but I certainly will not forget
for I will do beautiful and terrible things in your memory
a memory which I will rape for material
with which to fill notebooks I need never read
unless misery becomes an alien concept
but that status will never be achieved
as long as I have these scars to remember you by
one for each time you said you love me
and a thousand more for each time you left
without bothering to inform me of your decision
and a million more for each time you returned
out of the spooky blue
through the mail or over the phone
the voice of a ghost scratching at my walls
how many times must I bury you
behind the temple to the almighty myself
and how many times will you return
to desecrate this humble shrine of sanity
each time I rebuild
I temper these walls
with chemicals of self-indulgence
distilled from tears of regret and embarrassment
I blend the hues of my love for you
with tones of self-loathing
and splatter the town
in a masturbatory motion of self mutilation
and I do it because
I can't throw a brick far enough to reach you.

- S. Marvin Tuomala, 1995