THE ANNOTATED VERSION OF MY LIFE

I wrote my autobiography on a sheet of blotter paper
to dole out a dose to each of you
to take you on a trip
down memories lame
crippled with a conscience
honest when words fail me
I would never lie
when a misleading statement will do just fine
but you've caught me at a private moment
when I thought no one was listening
you got your head in the window
to hear my heart beating me
eyes rolled back in my head
searching the files for relevancy
filtered into frothing mouthed poems
not fit for polite company or public consumption
I keep a notebook of secrets on fire
each page burns away before I can write it
my defense mechanisms have safeguards
why bother to remember every detail
when so little detail varies between those days
redundancies, see previous file
clip not found, assume rebroadcast episode
insert topical pop culture reference here
insert stock photo circa then here
interview montage of those who were there
some days I can only remember what I've been told
I've stolen my life from the dreams of others
I confess to my thievery
but reserve the right to recant
cloaked in a facade of nakedness
mister goat-feet dances in morse code
the minister attaches a lightening rod to the church
we all have our ladders to climb
our stages of which to be frightened
climb it like a monkey
wear a monkey suit
dance for chump change
to the same old tune
days on end
should learn to tally my own banana
but you've got an embargo on the business of my heart
slave as it is to a tyrant,
though excommunicated and ostracized
the heart wants what the heart wants
stubborn as death, though less patient
it has poor skills of reasoning and deduction
a tragic combination of character flaws and crisis moments
the news carries like an ill wind
doors blown open come unhinged
the animals escaping leaving me
here with the ghost of good times
we can laugh about it now, right?
like photos of you circa monkey suit number 17
on the ball, jumping through hoops
dancing for chump change
to the same old tune
for days on end
careful not to walk across the stage too fast
it comes to an end in every direction
ladders function in the downward mode just as well
and it takes a certain level and variety of skill
to craft a 27 month lunch break
but a duck is a duck is a duck
and this pond isn't big enough for the three of us
someone's going to have to migrate
just don't expect any others to follow
an odd bird on the wing out of left field
somewhere between lark and loon
blessed us with your song and dance, yeah man
but had to leave the party too soon
three-hundred-sixty degrees of chronic stupid
three-hundred-sixty-six days of crash and burn
three-hundred-fifty-seven ways to put a hole in my head
seems like I could always use one more
join the popular culture
show some willful ignorance
be confrontational over trivial matters
because trivia matters
the message is the medium
the medium is a product
feel the compulsion to purchase
a premium service gladly provided
for your sanitized protection illusion
collective delusion hardwired
still mis-fired, mission failed
miss taken's identity
my given name retained
on mislabled stock
watched the personal value plummet
the enterprise of love gone bankrupt
my unemployed heart left desitute
in the collapse after years of investment
staggers to the street still reeling
not seeking, but finding
it's a new stage and I'm dancing minus monkey suit
and it's a new tune
and it's a big change
and the days may never end

- S. Marvin Tuomala, 2005