Welcome to my nightmare.
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My wife had become extremely cold to me in the week leading up to our eighth wedding anniversary. Her best friend had gotten married the weekend before our anniversary. She was pissed at her friend for doing so, which is another story which is not mine to tell here. One night I left her alone in the bedroom, because she said she had some homework to complete for her herbalist course and she wanted to go online. I checked back in on her a couple hours later and went to give her a hug and kiss. She was sitting at the desk composing an email. I looked at the screen as I leaned in to hug her. She flipped out when I did this, yelling at me "Why are you always in my face? Can't I have a moment of privacy?" Of course, I was very shocked and hurt by this. She had been cold, but not so directly hurtful towards me. Again I left the room. Before she would call to me to come to bed with her or to tuck her in - to kiss her goodnight when she laid down to sleep. She did not call to me and so I found her asleep in bed, and my intuition told me to check her email. (I knew her password, because she needed my help to set it up. Also if I hadn't checked it now and again, her account would've gone inactive several times.) I ignored my intuition, because I didn't want to suspect my wife of anything. I loved her so much and I trusted her. The next morning I drove her to work. She said nothing to me the entire drive to Mandalay Bay. When we pulled up to let her out, she finally spoke to me. She said, "I need the truck after work. I have to be somewhere at five." Then she turned and walked away. I was hurt by this, none of the usual "I love you" and a kiss... not even a goodbye. I drove home in a daze. When I walked into the bedroom and I saw the computer on the desk. My intuition was screaming at me by now. I finally listened to my intuition and checked my wife's email. I found these messages in the trash file of her account. If I had waited just one more day, they would have been deleted and I would've been duped even longer. When I opened the first one I could not believe what I was reading. By the time I read the third message there was no doubt in my mind as to what was happening, and at that point I put my elbow through the wall behind me. Can you imagine how I was feeling at that moment? This coming just days after our eighth wedding anniversary. Anyway, read on and get your sick kicks. Read the words of the lieing, cheating cold hearted woman who broke my heart.
(These are in no particular order as it would be too painful for me to read through each one again to fashion the list into a chronological order. In fact, at the time of this writing I have not coded all the messages, so only a few are available. But I will be posting ALL of them, and I will attempt a chronological order.) email 06 email 07 email 08 email 09 email 10 email 11 email 12 email 13 email 14 email 15 email 16 email 17 email 18 email 19 email 20 email 21 email 22 email 23 email 24 email 25 (One thing that gets me about these emails is that they were sent back and forth as they were both online. The cheaters were too stupid to use an instant messenger service. And as you can read in one of her emails, she tried to delete the messages to keep me from finding them. I found them in the trash of her hotmail account. If I had waited one more day, they would've been deleted permanently.) So, what happened next? Well......... I went insane! I went from crying-my-heart-out sad to ready-to-slaughter-the-world mad over the course of a couple hours. After nearly three hours I had calmed enough to dial a phone, and made the mistake of calling her best friend. I asked her if she knew anything about my wife cheating on me. She tried to assure me that she did not know anything, because my wife would NEVER do that to me. To this day I think she was lieing. I think she knew. I felt that she was lieing to me, just as my wife had been doing, so I hanged up the phone and went back to crying on the floor of our bedroom. I couldn't even crawl into bed, for that was the bed I had shared with her those many years and now it was tainted and could offer me no comfort. I began plotting to kill my wife and her boyfriend. I had read in her emails that she planned to meet him at First Creek at Red Rock by 5:30. I would call a taxi to take me there after she left. Then I would sneak up on them and unload with my shotgun. I would kill them both and then myself. I had it all planned out. But just then the phone rang, and it was her. Her best friend had called her at work. She didn't even say hello. Her first words were, "So, you read them?" Said in a very snide and hurtful tone. She was attacking me, emotionally terrorizing me! I was stunned, and took a few seconds to reply a feeble "Yes." Then she said, "Why did you read them?" Still in a very hostile tone. I replied, "Because I am your husband, and I need to know." To this she said, "So, what are you going to do?" still speaking in a snotty-bitch tone of voice. And I replied, "I don't know." Because I couldn't tell her that I wanted to kill the bitch and her boyfriend before killing myself. I am certain that she would have had no objection to the suicide part of my plan. She then insisted that she was coming home. I tried to dissuade her from leaving work early, but she hung up on me. She clocked out, caught a taxi and came home. She began by screaming at me about her privacy and how I had violated it. Again I was stunned, I mean just get a load of the balls on this woman! We both yelled and I cried. I asked what had happened and she said, "I changed." Yeah, changed into a mega-bitch! We talked for hours and eventually she assured me that everything would work out, that we would give it another try. She said she would stop seeing the other guy. But then when 5 o'clock rolled around she insisted that she had to go meet him. "I can't leave him waiting." Instead she left me waiting for over five hours! And when she returned she denied ever saying that we would work it out. (While she was gone I wrote this poem.) We went through this several times. We would talk about it, and try to work it out. She would agree to try, but hours later would say that she changed her mind. She was torturing me, emotionally terrorizing me. Holding my love hostage while rejecting me. And it went on like this for weeks. Eventually she moved out. I tried to convince her to come home. I even changed the index page of this site to an unsuccessful plea for her to return. Ah....... the irony of that, since she had often complained of the hours I spent working on this site. "But it's not making you any money!" As if everything should be about money, stupid bitch. (OK, maybe it's not irony, but rather stupidity.) There is much more to this story. So many details to recall, and most of them painful. I do admit that I have my share of the blame in the implosion of our marriage, but I was ever faithful to my wife. I loved that stupid bitch beyond all reason. And I still do love her. It has been about eight months now since I discovered the truth about my cheating wife, and I have made a lot of progress. But I am still a long way from being healed. Writing this now is painful, and I have to leave it off here just to save myself a little bit of sanity. I will try to return and update this page from time to time, as the healing of my heart allows. Thanks for reading this far. - S. Marvin Tuomala
Last Updated November 9, 2005
UPDATEIt's now been over a year since our divorce became final. (October 18, 2004) I have no contact with the ex-wife unless she calls to tell me I'm an asshole for whatever reason, and even that has become extremely infrequent. I am doing MUCH BETTER now, thank you. I've really come to see that our divorce has been a good thing for me. I am no longer so angry about what happened, and I do NOT hate my ex-wife. The fact is that I do still love her. I love the sweet and loving woman whom I married, but I dislike the spiteful, vindictive, and materialistic woman she became. I wish her well, and I hope she can again become that sweet person, if only for the sake of the new man. I really don't know what else to say about my divorce, except that I learned a lot about relationship dynamics and I've grown into a stronger person. I decided to update this page and make it more readable. Yeah, it really looked like crap before, but I didn't care. I just posted this because I had to get it out of my head. Now I look at my web stats and see that I'm getting a lot of visitors to this page. Commuters on the information superhighway are rubbernecking at my wrecked marriage. So, that's what you're here for right? More of the gory details? OK - I'll give you more. After my wife moved out she kept returning at least once a week to fuck me. And we had some hardcore angry sex sessions, sometimes I would cry during or after. I would cry because I was so in love with her, and I didn't want to be angry anymore. I also knew that she would still be a cruel bitch and leave when we were done. (No, I did NOT see the advantage in that, because I was blinded by LOVE.) After one of these sessions we were talking and she said that she had been wanting to leave me for the last four years. I asked he why she had stayed if she really wanted to leave. She said that she didn't want to hurt me and that "the sex was really REALLY good." That kind of blew my mind, that a woman would stick around another four years because of good sex. But she confirmed it for me by coming around and fucking my brains out each week, right up until just three days before I moved out of the house. I believe now that she also did this to keep me confused and fucked up. Her new man must not have known how to eat pussy, because that was what she always demanded. I have a very talented tongue, but by her last two visits I had refused to provide that service. I gave her the cock, but not the tongue. That is too personal, and her cunt now bore the scent of another man, which I found disgusting. Her pussy used to taste so sweet to me. I've contemplated posting nude photos of my ex-wife, maybe even one with my cock in her mouth, but I'm just not that vindictive. I just want to go on with my life. I have a lot of love to give, and there are a lot of beautiful women out there. Wish me luck! - S. Marvin Tuomala * * *
Yes, there will be more to come. I want to write it all down soon. I will tell the story from the beginning. How I met her is actually a beautiful story. So, I definitely want to tell that. I don't want to focus on the bad, but I will also fill in more of the details of the divorce and the build up of contributing factors. Yes, I will be posting the rest of their email messages. I can finally handle that now, but it's a matter of taking the time needed to get it done.
Until then here are links to the (mostly quite BAD) poems I wrote during and/or about the divorce process:
My Wife Joined a Cult
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© SpiritCaller.net, 2005